Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Going Up. . .

Ok so my anxiety level just went up a little. I know I'm probably just being silly and insecure but it is what it is. He just got up and left. Said he would be back in a little while and that he needed to take care of some "stuff". He grabbed his AA book and left. That worries me. I mean I know not everything is about me, but why would he just leave like that? Was is something I did? I mean we had a little tiff but it was honestly nothing even worth mentioning. It wasn't even something that would have been PTSD related. Still he left. I know he sponsors someone else so maybe that person just needed to talk to him. I don't know. And I realize that these meetings are a personal and private thing for the people involved but I feel like I'm in the dark a lot. I just wish some days that if it was something that was bothering about me or about us, that he would talk to me about it. I mean it's that what you are supposed to do in a relationship? I mean sure I talk to my friends sometimes about issues I have, but he is usually the most important one to me when it comes to things that deal with us. I'm sure that I am just being silly. It's probably nothing I did. It is my own insecurity and I need to learn how to deal with it.

I actually got an email today from someone in a PTSD forum that I have posted in. She said she cold relate to my story and my issues. She was dating someone just like my guy. The only difference is that she had to end her relationship because it started to effect her mental status. I hope that is never the case between us. I pray that no matter what we will be able to work through tuff times. I guess with that said I really need to check into getting help myself for times when I am feeling down or not sure of myself. I mean he is getting that help. He has people to talk to, but I don't. I surely do not want to be the reason that we have to end our relationship. I mean I read in my Al-non book all the time about the friends and family of the victim having to take care of themselves first. That if they are not ok, they cannot possibly try to be there for their loved one. So I need to help myself. I need to remember the kitten story. That I am like a little kitten. I am innocent and deserve love. And I need to picture myself that way so that I can love and take care of my self and my emotions.

Well my rambleing on and on has some what helped take my anexity level down. I do hope he comes home soon. And I will be waiting with open arms when he does.

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