Thursday, July 1, 2010

Getting Started. Welcome!

Hello fellow bloggers. As you can see this is my first post and to be honest it is my first ever Blog. I have always been a journal writer but I've reached a point where writing for just myself isn't enough. With this Blog I hope to meet new people and together we can learn and grow and support each other at those times when we feel like no one else could possibly understand us. So here is a little information about myself, my loved one and our journey together.

I am 30 years old and in a fairly new (going on 6 months) relationship with a wonderful man who is a PTSD survivor. He is 34 years old and PTSD has been apart of his life since his early teens. He has endured horrible things that no human should ever have to encounter in their life. From having family members brutally killed, being sexually and mentally abused at a young age, watching all of his childhood possessions and memories being burned before his eyes. To dealing with the stresses that come with seeking revenge against his family's murderers, as well as being moved from one country to another, and then after being diagnosed with PTSD having to face issues with drugs, alcohol, and an abusive relationship. He is truly a survivor. He took his destiny into his own hands and sought out the help that he needed to become the upstanding person he is today. From going into rehab, going to weekly meetings, and following through with psychological help he has grown and morphed from his former self. Most people I feel would have never made it as far as he has. He is a very successful person in his place of employment and he plays an active role in his community helping others who have faced similar shortcomings. He is honest, very eccentric, and is the love of my life.

But loving him, means loving him with his PTSD. Although he has come along way in his personal journey, his PTSD haunts our relationship.

So now a little about us and how we met and where I am in our journey together.

We met unofficially about a year ago at my place of work. We do not work together for the same company but my place of employment uses his place of employment service's on a daily basis. We only talked briefly in the beginning. A hello here or a thank you there, nothing to write home about. Then about 6 months in, he started to express his interest in me to my co-workers. Unfortunately at the time I was in a relationship but they encouraged him to pursue me anyways. So one day after weeks of myself knowing that he was interested, he asked me out. I now know that it took him a great amount of courage to do this. Sadly for him, I explained that I was seeing someone, but I did tell him that I would keep him in my mind. So more time passed. Seasons and holidays had went by and changed. I had also changed. I had broken off the relationship that I was in. It was for the better and I felt no yearning for that person any longer. Just not meant to be, I guess is what you would say. Now I believe that everything happens for a reason. That when one door closes there is always another one opening. So after about a week went by my work place admirer asked me out again! I was shocked at the timing. I asked my co-workers if they had told him that I was single again, but they all swore they hadn't spoke a word. So he asked me if we could get together sometime. We exchanged numbers, went on our first date that weekend, and have been together ever since. We recently have moved in together as well (which adds a twist to everything).

So there it is in a nutshell. Boy meets girl, boy loves girl before she even realizes it, so in time girl lets boy into her life. Now girl is having to learn how to love all over again. I have realized that loving someone and being in a relationship with someone who suffers from PTSD is like no other relationship I have had in the past. I have been married and divorced and faced all the troubles that came in between, but those experiences are nothing like what I am experiencing in my current relationship. In my marriage we drifted apart, together, if that makes sense. In my current relationship, I am trying to get closer to someone that has a hard time letting anyone in. It's like loving a cactus. They are prickly on the outside and hard to get close to, but with love, sunshine, a little water and most importantly time, they bloom one or two beautiful blooms.

My plan for this blog is to use it as a place to vent and learn how to cope better in my relationship. A place where I can learn about myself and hopefully anyone out there who may read it can offer advice or maybe even learn that they are not alone. I have done my own research on PTSD and have talked many times with my love about the subject but I still have a long journey ahead of me. But he is worth it. We are worth it. Please feel free to post your feelings, your own adventures with PTSD or other similar disorders, or just say hello!

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