I am so f***king angry right now. Why the hell do I put up with this shit? Look, it's one thing if you want to pick on me and let your shitty PTSD out on me. I can handle it. I have to handle it. But it's another when you constantly take it out on things that are important to me. Like my pets. Don't get me wrong, he never actually hurts them, but he doesn't know how to act properly with animals. He thinks he can treat them like little stuffed toys that are there for his amusement. But I've had my cats since they were 6 weeks old, and I never have treated them like that. I have never had them hiss at me or bite me or cower in front on me. But he constantly is doing things to them that piss them off and because they are innocent animals, it pisses me off to no end!!!!
What it really comes down to is that if he does actually "care" about anything, then nothing can hurt him. If you don't let something love you, then you can never be hurt by it. So what better way to do that then to push things anyway just enough so that you won't ever feel anything for them.
I am so angry right now. I could seriously throw something at him just to get him to leave me alone!!! I asked him to leave but he won't. He says I should leave because he pays the rent. That no one is making me stay with him. That I should just pack up my shit and leave him because "we have been together too long, and he doesn't need this shit anymore". He doesn't need this shit anymore??? REALLY??? HE DOESN'T NEED THIS SHIT ANYMORE??? WHAT THE HELL ABOUT ME!!!??? I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I never asked to fall in love with a man that suffers from PTSD. That suffers from things in his past that he can't ever change. I mean when we were younger, we didn't even live in the same country. So why is it now I have to continue to suffer through everything right along with him?? Why me? I grew up normal, in a normal home with normal parents and friends. I'm sorry that didn't happen for him, and if I could change it I would, BUT I CAN'T, SO WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT THIS FIGHT TOO?
I hate you PTSD, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!!!!